My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
