Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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