i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
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Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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