first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
the room spins SO much faster in panama
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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