if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
