I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
