see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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