So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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