Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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