That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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