Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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