Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
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I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
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Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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