I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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