I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
