So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
