I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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