I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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