she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
