He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
