What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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