I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
