these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
