i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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