I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
