I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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