i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
