life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
