1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
