I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
