Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
