Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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