please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
