I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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