So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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