you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
