I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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