we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
