i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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