College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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