After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
