I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
