Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
