Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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