I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
