He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
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