Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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