You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
