we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
