1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
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Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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