Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
