I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
