yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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