The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Hello my rib-scented angel!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
