im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
