i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
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So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
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We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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