Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
