I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
