Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Too much gin, very little bucket
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
