Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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