haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
