Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Randomize
