my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you would pick up someone in the library
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
