Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Drake has all the answers
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
