I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
