addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
