So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
