come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Be still, my beating vagina.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
