In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
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She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
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It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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