it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
