Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
