so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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