I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
