My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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