Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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