don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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