Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
