do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
