Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
