why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
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While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
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The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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