Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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